| My Latest One Act Play. |
| Roberto: 47 Father of the family and the current head of the winery |
| Imelda: 46 Mother of the family she carries around a cat named Mr. Felinstien. She believes that the cat is Jewish. Mr. Felinstien is wearing a diamond-studded collar. |
| Grandpa: 74 Roberto's father. Age has taken away most of his hearing and though he wears glasses he doesn't see very well either. |
| Miranda: 22 Female. Roberto and Imelda's daughter. She wants to be an actress and is always very melodramatic. At the end of each of her lines she takes a bow to an imaginary audience. |
| Jr.: 19 Male. The son of Roberto and Imelda. He is a homosexual that dresses very flamboyantly. |
| Oryp: (pronounced orip) 8 Male also the son of Roberto and Imelda. He is a pyromaniac and hasn't spoken a word in several years. |
| Billy Childs: 22 Male. Very handsome. He is the IRS agent sent to collect the taxes. |
| Tilo: Spanish man in his 40's |
| Assistant: Spanish man in his early 20's |
| Setting: This one act play takes place in the bottling room of a small California winery. The year is 1948. The set consists of several casks of wine. They are labeled white, red, and Family Reserve. Bunches of grapes adorn the set. There are several wine bottle crates, in various locations that can double as make shift chairs. Grandpa has a chair that he keeps close the wine and the window. This has been his favorite sitting place for many years. As the scene opens Grandpa is bottling the wine from the cask labeled Red. Two men enter it is Tilo and his assistant. The assistant pulls a large bottle of unlabeled wine from one of the boxes. He examines it with a smile, closes the box, carries it off stage and returns several times to get more boxes. It is very early morning. Tilo and Grandpa are having a conversation while the assistant is working. Grandpa is hard of hearing so when Tilo talks to him he speaks loudly into his ear. |
| Tilo: (loudly in his ear) Good morning old man. |
| Grandpa: (looking him over) Ah yes, good morning Senior Tilo. How are you this fine morning? |
| Tilo: I am very well old man and thank you for asking. How much do I owe you? |
| Grandpa: For the wine? |
| Tilo: Yes for the wine. |
| Grandpa: I believe twenty dollars is a fair price for the wine. |
| Tilo: You and I both know that it is not worth one dollar for the whole cask but because the paisanos will drink it, I will give you the twenty dollars. (Hands grandpa $20.00) |
| Grandpa: Gracias Senior Tilo. You are most kind. I am very pleased with our arrangement. Everything should be OK as long as my son Roberto doesn't find out. He believes that selling this bad wine to the paisanos is sinful. Me, I do it because I like to help out the less fortunate who can not otherwise afford a glass of wine. |
| Tilo: Well, The sun will soon be waking the valley. I will leave before anyone catches us doing our good deeds. Good day Old man. |
| Grandpa: Good day Senior Tilo. |
| (Grandpa watches Tilo and the assistant leave. When he is sure that they are gone he goes to the red wine cask and gets on his knees and reaches under and behind it. He pulls out a Mason jar full of money. At this point Oryp enter but Grandpa does not see him. Grandpa admires all of the money in the jar and then puts it back into its hiding place. Oryp sneaks back out undetected. Grandpa sits down in his chair.) |
| Grandpa: (reflecting.) Oy, how things were different when I was not such an old man. When I was running the business, I would grow the grape, make the wine, and sell it to anyone who would come to knock on my door. Oy, but my poor son Roberto, He wants this to be the best wine in California. A wine that only the rich people can afford to put on their tables. He just does not understand that these people have no loyalties. I have tried time and time again to tell him that we should make a wine that the working man can afford. Oy, but he hears nothing. His head is hard like a rock, I tell him. Hard like the rock. He is so worried about the reputation of the wine. I say that reputation does not put tortilla on the table. Now we have all of this wine that we can not sell because he says that it is not up to these rich peoples standards. All of this because the drought last year made the grapes bitter. When I made the wine I sold it to anyone that was thirsty and a man that was thirsty for wine did not care as much about the taste. The paisanos didn't worry about its color or if it was to sweet or dry, or how does he say it, if it had a good bouquet or not. They were thankful just to have a jelly jar full of wine and a warm tortilla for their stomachs. (Looking out the window.) Oy, here comes the rock now. (Grandpa shakes his head and pours himself a glass of the wine but does not drink yet.) |
| Roberto: Good morning father. (Shaking his head and sighing.) Father, I don't know why you bother to drink this swill. It's the worst batch that we have ever made. The drought absolutely ruined our grapes. |
| Grandpa: What? |
| Roberto: I said that the drought ruined the grapes. |
| Grandpa: Steaks? No I don't want a steak. |
| Roberto: (yelling into his ear.) No I said grapes. (Holding up a bunch of grapes.) Grapes. |
| Grandpa: Oh grapes. Yes that's not so bad. You know that with my teeth (pulls out false teeth and shows them to him.) (Smiles mischievously) I can't eat steaks. |
| Roberto: (ignoring grandpa) Well despite last years drought we should be OK. We can only pray that this year will be better. We may be the only winery left open next year. |
| Grandpa: What? |
| Roberto: I said, we might be the only ones open next year. |
| Grandpa: OK, yes that sounds very nice. Yes, you can open me a beer. Thank you. |
| Roberto: No, I said next year. |
| Grandpa: Next year? No, next year is no good. I would rather have it now. |
| Roberto: (getting frustrated) No, I said…never mind, I don't know why I even try talking to you old man. You are the reason that we struggling to keep the winery open. If you would have saved some of the profits from the good years I wouldn't have to worry so much about the wine. Every time we made any money at all you would go out and give it to the migrant workers. I just don't understand you. |
| Grandpa: You don't know as much as you think you know Roberto. |
| Roberto: I know that your charity will break us one day. I'm just glad that you had since enough to retire and let me run this place. You just watch one day we will be rich. Now, I'm going out to inspect the vineyard. If anyone should come looking for me, that is where I will be. (He exits.) |
| Grandpa: Oy, That Roberto sure is mixed up in the head. He offers me a cervesa and then leaves without giving it to me. I guess I will just have to have drink this wine. (Takes a drink and makes a very sour face.) It's not so bad. (Goes to window and looks out.) Oy, here comes that crazy wife of his and her ugly dog. (Enters Imelda she is carrying her cat, Mr. Felinstien. The cat lets out a good meow.) |
| Imelda: (goes to kiss him on the cheek but he pulls away in disgust) Hello Grandpa. Where is that husband of mine? |
| Grandpa: Who? |
| Imelda: Roberto? |
| Grandpa: No he's not here. But Roberto might know where he is. |
| Imelda: What? |
| Grandpa: What are you deaf? I said that Roberto might know where he is at. |
| Imelda: Where who is at? |
| Grandpa: What hat? |
| Imelda: (yelling.) Not hat. At. |
| Grandpa: I heard you the first time. You don't have to yell at me. |
| Imelda: (frustrated) Never mind. Look you old fool, if you do see Roberto tell him that Mr. Felinstien, (hugs her cat and the cat meow.) and myself came to bring him a message. There is a man waiting for him at the house. Now, Say good bye Mr. Felinstien (she waves the cats paw at grandpa as if waving good bye.) Oh you are such a polite kitty aren't you? You love mommy don't you Mr. Felinestien? Mommy loves her kitty because her kitty doesn't neglect her. Yes, that's right, mommy's little kitty doesn't ignore mommy does she. Unlike that terrible husband of mine. Oh your such a sweet kitty aren't you? Yes you are. Yes you are. (Exits) |
| Grandpa: (starts to clean glasses and laughs.) That Imelda sure needs to have her eyes checked. Man that is the ugliest dog I have ever seen in my life. And who can blame Roberto for ignoring her? She's crazy. (Enters Miranda and Billy Childs, who is carrying a brief case.) |
| Miranda: (overly dramatic she kisses him affectionately on the cheek.) Oh, hello grandpa how art thou today? |
| Grandpa: Oy, its you. The one who talks so funny. |
| Miranda: This man has come to collect the tax on our wine / that doth grow from our vine. He doth so wish to speak to Roberto / the father that hath given me life / by mating with my mother / his wife. Oh how I fear that we may have fallen delinquent / in our duty / to pay him his booty. So now great patron that you be / where is this father of mine that he wishes to see. |
| Grandpa: What? |
| Billy: (looking at Miranda with a puzzled look.) (To grandpa) Good morning, sir my name is Billy Childs, I'm with the Internal Revenue Service. I'm here to speak with the Owner of this vineyard. Would that be you sir? |
| Grandpa: What? |
| Billy: Is this your place? |
| Grandpa: Of course this is my face. (Patting Billy on the butt.) Is this your…. |
| Miranda: (Before he can finish the sentence.) Grandpa. You must show good manners to our guest / and act not in the way of an old pest. |
| Billy: (to Miranda.) It's quit all right. I take it that this is not the owner. |
| Miranda: You are correct. The proprietor he is not / for the man you seek / calls this old fool pops. |
| Billy: So this is your grandfather. |
| Miranda: His vice be wine and his verse be song / on warm summer nights even the wolfs sing along. He does not hear or see or even smell / but many are the confused stories that he doth often tell. Some are of love / some are of hate / but most of all they are about food / that as a boy he ate. His teeth are of wood / but his heart pure as gold / when our god created him / he surely broke the mold. |
| Billy: Well that seems to be all good and swell / but it is the whereabouts of your father / that I wish you would (pause because he is annoyed that her rhyming is contagious) tell. |
| Grandpa and Miranda: What? |
| Billy: Where is your father? |
| Miranda: This answer I surely doth not have / for he may have taken many a path. (Looking out the window) Alas / My sibling doth this way come. We will instruct him to find Roberto / and swiftly he will run. |
| Billy: You really are such a pretty girl. (This makes Miranda smile.) I just wish I could understand what you were saying. Why do you do that? |
| Miranda: What ever could you mean? Is it that you find my behavior / to some how be obscene? |
| Billy: Why do you speak the way that you speak? |
| Miranda: Simply, because It is an actress that I one day shall be. A star as big as Taylor / rich and famous for all the world to see. |
| Billy: Oh now I see. I see. |
| (Jr. is skipping as he enters) |
| Jr.: (kissing grandpa on the cheek.) Hello paw paw. (Very sarcastically and rolling his eyes) Hello Miranda. (Miranda and Jr. obviously don't like each other.) |
| Miranda: (coldly) Jr. |
| Jr.: (offering his hand to Billy as if to have it kissed.) And you are? |
| Billy: (shaking his hand and disappointing Jr.) Hello, My name is Billy Childs. I'm with the Internal Revenue Service. I am here to speak with your father. Have you seen him? |
| Jr.: (feeling Billy's muscles. Jr. is obviously smitten.) You mean Roberto? Why would you want to bore yourself with him when you could take me? |
| Billy: (disgusted) Excuse me? |
| Jr.: Oh, did I just say take me? What I meant to say was talk to me. Of course that is unless you wanted to (he finishes the sentence whispering in Billy's ear.) |
| Billy: (pushes Jr. away.) Get away from me you pervert. I'll have you know that I'm an agent of the federal government and what you just suggested to me is highly illegal in all 48 states. (He turns and meets Miranda face to face. Miranda and Jr. have him sandwiched in.) |
| Miranda: Please excuse Jr., he act like a girl to make my father mad / he never had time for us children / so we do things that he believes are bad. It really is tragic / for he loves only money and wine / if only his family were money/ then for us he would make time. |
| Jr: Isn't that the truth. (Looks into Billy's eyes) Has anyone ever told you that you have gorgeous eyes? |
| Miranda: (To Jr.) Now Jr. please refrain from such vulgar displays / for if Mr. Childs fancies to court me / I intend to let him have his way. |
| Jr.: I don't know why he would be interested in you. Everyone knows that you have the virtue of a bunny rabbit in heat. |
| Miranda: (Appalled) Jr. Surely Mr. Childs knows that what you say is a lie. After all, he has tender feelings for me / I can see it in his eyes. (She looks into Billy's eyes with affection.) |
| Jr.: Trust me Miranda, I know his type, He may kiss you but I know he'll be thinking of me. (Slapping Billy on the Butt.) |
| Billy: (Moving out from between them and speaking to Miranda.) Is he crazy? |
| Grandpa: (interjecting) no, no one here is lazy. We all work very hard. |
| Billy: (yelling) I didn't say lazy, I said crazy. |
| Grandpa: (Balling up his fist and starting to get up.) Don't you call my grandson a daisy. |
| Billy: No I asked if he was crazy. |
| Grandpa: And I told you that no one here is lazy. |
| Billy: (giving up and turning to Miranda.) Look, It really is important that I see your father at once. |
| Miranda: (Pleading.) Now Jr., my brother, if you please / run and fetch father / before this stallion doth leave. Please make haste and be swift like the runner with a prize to win / for my thoughts of this man may quickly to sin. (She winks at Billy) (Grandpa is sitting in his chair and he falls fast asleep.) |
| Jr.: (resentfully) All right Miranda, I'll go and find father. (Enters Oryp) (Mean spirited.) Well if it isn't the little firebug. Light any fires today? (Oryp does not respond he just lights a match, which Miranda quickly blows out.) Still not talking huh. I guess I don't blame you. (To Billy) Father yelled at him for playing with matches when he was four so now the little weirdo won't speak at all. Of course, most times I don't want to talk to these people either. Well, I'm off to find father. Miranda please try and keep your hands of off Billy while I'm gone. |
| Miranda: Oh Jr. you surely have nothing to fear / for Billy is a gentleman / and a lady I will surely be. For, I know that this is what men like / so it will be my duty to act proper and polite. (Smiles at Billy who blushes a bit.) |
| Jr.: Just try and keep your legs closed until I get back. OK, you little tramp. (He skips out) |
| Billy: Is he always like that? |
| Miranda: A girl my brother does wish to be / but I believe insanity is his true malady. |
| Billy: It seems to runs in the family. What's wrong with him? (Pointing to Oryp who is at this time throwing matches at a sleeping Grandpa.) |
| Miranda: (taking the matches away from Oryp) At the tender age of four he suddenly disengaged from social speech, now he plays with matches and finds joy in burning things. Twice the barn and once Granddad / we don't know why he does it, we just think it is sad. Now, to the subject of you and I / wouldn't a little kiss be very nice. (She puckers up and closes her eyes.) |
| Billy: (tempted) No Miranda I really shouldn't. It just wouldn't be appropriate. |
| Miranda: Just one kiss would surely be all right, after all I feel that a kiss from you would taste very very nice. Come now Billy there is no need to be shy, for no one would ever know except for you and I. |
| Billy: (stumbling over his words.) If you only knew how much I want to, but I really can't. At least not today. Not with what I must tell your father. I mean that I really would love to kiss you and all but it just wouldn't be right. I'm sorry. It's not because I don't think that you are lovely and all. I mean because I really do. You're the most precious thing that I have ever seen but…well you see its because… Oh heck, I just can't OK. (Hangs his head) |
| Miranda: (scornfully) Very well then I must now take my leave. If this is truly the way that you wish for it to be? (She starts to go and then very dramatically trips and falls. Billy catches her.) |
| Billy: Miranda, Are you OK. |
| Miranda: Oh Billy you do care. (She kisses him.) |
| (Enters Roberto who sees the kiss.) |
| Roberto: What the hell is going on in here? (Pulling Billy away from Miranda) How dare you take advantage of my daughter. (He punches Billy and knocks him out. Jr. and Imelda enter from the opposite door that Roberto came in through just in time to see the punch.) (All of this excites Grandpa. He jumps up from his chair and starts swinging at an imaginary opponent.) |
| Grandpa: (to Jr.) Did you see that boy? Your papa knocked out that kid who called you a daisy. That is what we have been needing around here, a good fight. (To Roberto) Son, I'm here to help you. (Pointing at Billy) You watch him and if he gets back up knock him down again. (Pointing at Imelda) I will take care of her and her ugly dog. |
| Imelda: (firmly) One step closer old man and you will be crapping false teeth for a week. (Grandpa shrieks away and sits down.) |
| Jr.: Oh my god. Father, what have you done? |
| Roberto: I'll tell you what I've done. I found this trespasser trying to molest my little girl so I did what any good father would do. I punched his lights out. |
| Imelda: (shielding the cats eyes) Don't look Mr. Felinstien its pure savagery. |
| Jr.: No father he isn't a trespasser. He is with the IRS and he is here to see you about the taxes. |
| Roberto: You mean that he is an agent. Oh god, Why didn't some one tell me? |
| Miranda: (crying) Oh father why would you harm the man I love, this man so tender and gentle as a dove. |
| Roberto: Oh please, not now Miranda. (On his knees next to Billy trying to revive him.) |
| Imelda: Oh, Roberto there is something I should tell you. |
| Roberto: Save it Imelda, We've got to revive him and explain that it was just a mistake. Maybe if we put some water on his face it will wake him up. Jr., Run and get me a glass of water and for gods sake hurry up. |
| Jr.: Yes father. (Exits in haste) |
| Miranda: Oh my sweet Billy please wake up and look into mine eyes. |
| (Billy starts to come to.) |
| Billy: Oh my head. (Touching his eye) ouch. What just happened to me? |
| Roberto: Oh, I am so sorry it was my fault. Here let me help you up. |
| Billy: (gets up and starts to back away from Roberto.) No, no don't you touch me. |
| Roberto: Please, let me help you. |
| Billy: Stay back. |
| Roberto: But I can explain. |
| Billy: Just keep away. You're a mad man. |
| Roberto: No but wait. I can... |
| Billy: I didn't go to work for the government for this kind of…(He turns and runs into the open door. He is knocked out again.) |
| Miranda: (going to him again) Billy please look at me. Please tell me that you are alive. (To Roberto)(Wailing) You killed the man I love. You beast. |
| Roberto: (kneeling to check him out) Damn it Miranda, he's not dead. He's just knocked out. Oh god I hope he is OK. (Shaking him vigorously) Wake up mister. Come on now wake up. (Shaking him some more.) |
| Miranda: Look, I think my little angel is coming too. |
| Imelda: Roberto there is something really important you might want to know. |
| Roberto: Damn it Imelda not now. |
| Billy: (starts to come to.) (He moans) (Now he is holding both eyes.) Oh am I dead. (Moans) (Looking around) oh, I must be in hell. |
| Imelda: Sir, Sir. Are you all right? |
| Roberto: How many fingers am I holding up? |
| Billy: (pushes Roberto's hand away.) What in the world did I ever do to you people? |
| Roberto: It was all a misunderstanding. I didn't mean to hurt you. Really, I swear it on my father's grave. |
| Grandpa: Hey, I'm still alive. |
| Billy: Look, I don't know who you are mister but you didn't have to hit me. |
| Miranda: Oh Billy this is my father and a barbarian he can sometimes be but he can't be all-bad, after all he did raise me. |
| Billy: (looking around the room at everyone.) You have got to be the craziest peoples that I have ever met in my life. |
| Jr.: (frantic) Every one out of the way. I've got the water. I've got the water. (Jr. runs in with the glass of water and throws it on Billy's face.) (Realizing his mistake) Oh, oh. |
| Billy: (very frustrated.) What the hell was that for? Are you trying to drown me now? |
| Jr.: Oh I'm sorry Billy. (He starts to wipe Billy's face with a scarf.) |
| Billy: Look, just get away from me OK. You've done enough as it is. (Jr. who is obviously hurt by Billy's tone seeks comfort from his mother.) |
| Roberto: Jr. You damned idiot. |
| Billy: (getting up) OK look everyone, back off. The next person who touches me in anyway will go to jail. Is that clear. (To himself) I've been with the IRS for just two months and this is were they send me. (Takes a moment to breathe.) Now you, you must be Roberto. |
| Roberto: Yes I'm Roberto. |
| Billy: OK, here it is plain and simple. You didn't pay your taxes last year and if I don't get the money that you owe the IRS right now we will be forced to take possession of the winery. |
| Roberto: No, no this must be a misunderstanding we pay our taxes every year. My family may be crazy but we pay our taxes. Isn't that right Imelda? (To Billy) She does our taxes. |
| Imelda: (hesitantly) Well Roberto there is something that I have been wanting to tell you. |
| Roberto: You know that you can tell me anything. What is it? |
| Grandpa: (yells and jumps up from his chair) Smoke. |
| Everyone: Smoke? |
| Grandpa: I smell smoke. |
| Jr.: Smoke. Oh, where is Oryp. (Everyone looks around for him) |
| Imelda: (looking out the window) Oh God, The barn is on fire. The barn's on fire. |
| Roberto: Why me lord? Why me? (Everyone runs out to put out the fire except for Imelda.) |
| Imelda: (puts the cat on the table) Stay here Mr. Felinstien. Wait here until mother gets back. (She exits) (Off stage we hear the sounds of the family trying to put the fire out.) |
| (Oryp enters from the opposite door looking very mischievous. He looks around the room for something else to burn and then sees the cat. He walks over to the cat and starts to pet him and then pulls out a zippo lighter. He looks at the lighter and then at the cat and lets out an evil laugh, picks up the cat and exits.) |
| Lights go out |
| End of scene I |
| Scene II |
| Grandpa, Roberto, Billy, Jr., Miranda, and Imelda are all sitting around the wine room covered in soot and looking very tired. |
| Billy: Roberto, have you ever considered disciplining the little boy. |
| Roberto: It does no good. The more we discipline him the more he burns. |
| Miranda: We should all thank god that the fire was not too large, for last time we had to build a completely new barn. Poor little Oryp is so misunderstood for he is to young yet to know the difference between bad and good. |
| Jr.: He knows the difference all right. He just likes to be bad. |
| Roberto: Mr. Childs I just want to say thank you for helping us put out the fire and I am so terribly sorry about the way that you have been treated today. |
| Billy: (regretfully.) Well Roberto, all is forgiven but there is still the matter of the taxes. |
| Roberto: Yes now Imelda just tell him what date you paid the taxes and show him the records of it and we can clear this little error all up. |
| Imelda: Well Roberto that's what I wanted to tell you earlier, I didn't exactly pay the taxes. |
| Roberto: What do you mean you didn't exactly pay the taxes? |
| Imelda: Now don't get mad Roberto but when I was on the way to pay our taxes Mr. Felinstien saw the most gorgeous diamond collar in the window of the jewelry store and he just had to have it. You know how insistent he can be. |
| Roberto: (in disbelief) You mean to tell me that you bought a diamond collar for that stupid Jewish cat of yours instead of paying our taxes. Are you crazy? |
| Imelda: But, you should have seen how happy he was when he saw it. |
| Roberto: You hate me don't you? You really hate me don't you? You and that stupid cat have been trying to ruin me ever since I married you. Well never again because now I'm going to kill you. (He runs to Imelda with his hands out to chock her. Jr., Miranda, and Billy get in between them. Grandpa is smiling at all of this, sitting in his chair drinking a glass of wine.) |
| Grandpa: Look out son, she fights dirty. |
| Jr.: Wait, calm down. Calm down. Don't kill her. I think I have a solution. |
| Roberto: all right, all right. I'm OK. I'm OK. (Calmed down but still visibly upset) Now, Jr. what have you got to say. |
| Jr.: Look all we have to do is take the collar back to where she bought it and get our money back and then we can pay taxes. |
| Roberto: He's right. For once in his life he may be right. Everyone, I'm sorry I lost my temper. Lets just get the collar from the cat and everything will be OK. Imelda where is the cat? |
| Imelda: I don't know. I left him in here when we went to put out the fire. Now he's gone. Here Mr. Felinstien. Don't hide from momma little kitty. Here kitty kitty kitty. |
| Jr.: OK everyone, find that cat. |
| (They all frantically search for the cat crawling around saying "here kitty kitty kitty" "come out and play Mr. Felinstien. Here kitty kitty kitty.") (Suddenly from off stage we see a bright flash of light and hear the loud shriek of an injured cat.) (They all look at each other as if they all know what has just happened.) |
| Billy: You don't think that the boy would... |
| Roberto: God help him if he did. (Looks up to heaven and yells) Oryp!!!!!!! (Rushes out the door.) |
| Imelda: (alarmed) Oh no, not Mr. Felinstien. How could he? |
| Roberto: (returning dragging Oryp by the arm.) Boy did you just light that stupid Jewish cat on fire? (Oryp runs and hides behind Miranda and nods a firm yes.) Are you crazy? Are you boy? What's wrong with you. Now we'll never get that collar back. That damned cat is probably half way to Barstow by now, or where ever the hell Jewish cats go. |
| Imelda: Oryp, you are the meanest little boy in the whole world. |
| Jr.: Yea, good going fire bug. |
| Miranda: Oryp a bad child you can really be. You have just managed to ruin everything. |
| Imelda: Poor Mr. Felinstien. |
| Roberto: Poor Mr. Felinstien. You mean poor us. With out that collar we are sunk. We are all going to be homeless. I can't believe it. |
| Miranda: (to Billy) oh please, please sweet Billy Childs, don't take our home. Take me instead and you will never be alone. |
| Billy: Look everyone, I'm really really sorry but the law is the law. I have to collect the taxes. I don't want you to think that this is because of what happened earlier today. It really doesn't. When I first got here I thought that all of you were crazy but when I saw the way that you all worked together to put out the fire, I realized that y'all are just family trying to do the best you can. I want you all to know that I'm really sorry about this but I must do my job. I have no choice. |
| (They all hang their heads as if defeated.) |
| Roberto: We're ruined. |
| Jr.: What are we going to do? |
| Imelda: I guess we will just have to try and start over again. |
| Oryp: (under his breath.) Just give him grandpa's money. (Everyone looks at Oryp.) |
| Jr.: (to Miranda) did he just speak. |
| Miranda: I am not sure. (Everyone gathers around Oryp.) |
| Imelda: He did. I heard him speak. He said something about money. |
| Jr.: The little firebug can speak. It's amazing. |
| Roberto: OK Oryp. What did you say about the money? |
| Oryp: I said, "just give him grandpa's money." |
| Roberto: Oh, I'm so happy to hear you speak. Everyone this is truly a miracle. I am very proud of you son but what you did say is of no use. Grandpa has no money. |
| Oryp: Yes he does. He has a jar of money that he keeps hidden away. |
| Imelda: Grandpa is it true? |
| Grandpa: (nervously) Is what blue? |
| Roberto: (yelling in his ear.) Is it true? |
| Grandpa: (suspecting that the gig is up) What? |
| Imelda: Forget the old man. Oryp show us where it is. |
| Oryp: No. |
| Roberto: What do you mean no? |
| Oryp: No. |
| Roberto: That's it I'm killing him. (He lunges for the boy but is stopped by Billy, Jr. and Miranda.) |
| Miranda: Leave him alone. He is only a boy. (Turns to Oryp) Now Oryp, please tell us were the money is. |
| Oryp: Not until everyone apologizes for being so mean to me. |
| Roberto: Just let me have the boy for 2 minutes. |
| Imelda: No he is your son and besides if we kill him we will never find the money. |
| Oryp: I'm waiting. |
| Jr.: If it will make you happy. I'm sorry. |
| (Oryp looks at Imelda with his arms crossed as if waiting for her apology) |
| Imelda: (begrudgingly) I'm sorry too. |
| Miranda: (with sympathy she straightens the hair on his head) And I to am sorry, for causing you grief. |
| Roberto: OK OK. Look son, I really am sorry. I didn't mean to try and kill you. Now please son where is the money? |
| Grandpa: (reaches into his hiding place and produces the money.) It's right here. I'm sorry for not telling you about it Roberto. I've been selling the bad wine to Tilo and his friends so that the paisanos wouldn't go thirsty. I knew that it would make you mad because you take so much pride in the wine. I'm sorry for deceiving all of you. |
| Roberto: No, don't apologize. You and little Oryp have saved the winery. This was all my fault. If I would have listened to you we would have sold all of this wine a long time ago and would have had plenty of money to pay the taxes. I guess I should have never changed things. From now on I will listen to you papa. (They hug each other in a tender embrace.) |
| Billy: (Billy is counting the money and everyone looks on in anticipation.) Oh, I'm sorry but you're still one hundred dollars short. Now, I don't want you to worry about it because I may be able to grant you an extension under a few conditions. |
| Imelda: Yes, of course any thing you want. |
| Billy: Well first, you will have to promise to pay your taxes on time from now on. |
| Roberto: Yes we promise, we promise. |
| Billy: And second, you will have to consent to Miranda and I getting married (gets on one knee in front of Miranda) That is of course if you will have me. |
| Miranda: Yes, yes of course I will. Oh this is the greatest day of my life. |
| Jr.: (looking hurt.) What about me? |
| Billy: And Jr. You can be my best...err ughm well you can be in the wedding. |
| Jr.: Oh I would love to. (Starts to cry) Oh I just can't stand this. Happy endings always make me cry. |
| Roberto: Well Imelda my wife if it is OK with you than it is OK with me. |
| Imelda: Yes, I would love to have Billy as a part of our family. |
| Roberto: And Grandpa would it be OK with you? |
| Grandpa: Oy, he sure can't take a punch but I guess it might be nice to have someone else to talk to around here. |
| Roberto: Well then it is settled. Billy and Miranda will be married and they can live in the big house with us. (Oryp is tugging on Roberto trying to get his attention.) What is it Oryp? |
| Oryp: No one asked me. |
| Roberto: I am so sorry Oryp. Is it OK with you son? |
| Oryp: (pausing to think) It's OK. (Everyone has a good laugh.) Papa, Can we a have fire crackers at the wedding? |
| Everyone: (loudly in unison) No. |
| (They all laugh) |
| Lights out. |
| The end. |